Reminder for myself

For two semesters in a row I scored below the average marks for Japanese Language mid-Semester test. Furthermore, throughout the semester i have been failing my listening quiz. Well, the same happened for last semester and I had a C+ for the language. Perhaps, history is repeating itself?

Maybe I don't work as hard. I play more than I work. I sow what I reap. That aside, it definitely felt like crap. Why the hell am I studying Japanese language, getting my CAP screwed. Really, I should just quit. Language is not my cup of tea, something evident since primary school days.

Innocuously enough I still carried myself to YWAM base on thursday night. We had a gathering of people who are interested in ministry in Japan. My heart felt dead and I was out of sync with the enthusiasm of the crowd. But, more importantly, that night I decided to throw the grades out of the window. Found out that I am not studying Japanese to get a good grade. I am studying Japanese so that I may use the language in the future! Not for the sake of grades! I need a whole new attitude seriously and I better work harder for the sake of competency (not grades).

Basically, I'm telling myself: "You are learning Japanese so that you can speak and understand Japanese. This have got nothing to do with your grades. You are not here for grades but to achieve the objective of learning! Wake up!"

I know why I am doing Japanese Studies as major. I'm living for Christ not for grades. Right now I'm like trying to live for both. Its time I throw the grades out of the window. I need to start dying and to start living.

All men die but few men really lived. I seriously need to crucify my double-mindedness. I can't do anything else. God help me.